Monday, May 22, 2006

Rant #8: That Weird Machine All of Your Living Room Furniture is Pointed at. Part 1.

Update 3/4/2012: For the record, I stopped watching this show when Sheen attacked his ex-wife in Aspen back in 2009. As far as the new incarnation, well let's be nice and just call it crap.

Original Post: 5/22/2006
Ok, let me disengage my tongue from my cheek for a moment and talk about something serious, television. Hold on a second...ouch…come on…ok, I think this particular extraction may require major surgery so we’re just going to have to work around it.
Today is part one of a multi-part series where I will proceed to tell you what the hell you should be tuning into on the old idiot box, as my dad used to call it. Don’t worry. I don’t expect you to watch all of these shows. Only a major TV geek with no life and no girlfriend could pull that off… (cough). Just pick a couple of the really good ones and thank me later. Anyway, here we go. These will be presented in no particular order.
- Two and a Half Men Monday 9:00 PM CBS
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper
Conchata Ferrell - Berta
Marin Hinkle - Judith
Angus T. Jones - Jake Harper
Melanie Lynskey - Rose
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper
Andy Ackerman - Executive Producer
Mark Burg - Executive Producer
Oren Koules - Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre - Executive Producer
Lee Aronsohn - Executive Producer
Eric Lapidus - Executive Producer
Eric Tannenbaum - Executive Producer
Kim Tannenbaum - Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre - Creator
Lee Aronsohn – Creator
Ok, you see all of these people listed in the crew but this show is Chuck Lorre’s baby. The guy is a frikin’ sit-com genius. I am constantly amazed by not only the writing but how they seem to get away with some seriously raunchy stuff. There are some adult situations on this show that would make Janet Jackson’s tit blush and the FCC couldn’t give a shit less, which I think is FANtastic and how things ought to be. I have to give it up to Chuck and his crew for creating a sit-com that is much funnier than the typical “family” program.
Chuck has a text rant, he calls them “Vanity Cards”, at the end of each episode that flashes on the screen for about 1 second. You have to pause it to read it (Get TiVo asshole!). There’s always funny stuff in there that gives you a little insight into the kind of guy it takes to write a show like this. He also posts them online. Check it out at

Rant #7: I Hate Poetry!

I forgot to look at my watch today.
What time is it?
I forgot to look at my calendar today.
What day is it?
I forgot to call my dad today.
Do they have cell reception in heaven?

I forgot to look in the mirror today.
Who am I?
I forgot to check my pockets today.
Is there anything in there?
I forgot to take out the garbage today.
Is it still trash?

I forgot to get up today.
Is it still today?
I forgot to go to sleep last night.
Is it tomorrow yet?
I forgot what I was saying.
Is there anyone listening?

I forgot how to love.
Does it still exist?
I forgot how to hate.
No I didn’t.
Go fuck yourself.

Footnote: I actually wrote the above exactly one year ago today. I just never got around to posting it. Wow, was I in a mood or what? I feel much better now. :-)