Sunday, February 20, 2005

Rant #2: Geek vs. Nerd, Dork, Spaz, etc.

It's time to set the record straight on the meanings of certain words, titles, insults, whatever you want to call them. Before we begin, I just want to make it clear that I don't give a shit what Merriam-Webster says these words mean. I know I'm right.

People like to throw around the word "geek" as though it has the same connotation as words like “dork”, “nerd” and “dipshit”. Well I’m here to tell you that they are wrong. A geek is a very special sort of individual. “Special” being the keyword because a geek is a specialist. If you know more about a certain field of study, special interest or area of trivia than the rest of your friends and colleges then you are a geek. Let me explain further. If you know everything there is to know about Wilford Brimley then you are a Wilford Brimley geek…and probably a stalker but I’m not here to judge. Some of you out there just LOVE that show Trading Spaces. Well, if you just happen to know how many times in the history of the show that a designer has gone over budget, then you are a Trading Spaces geek. You folks are just going to have to live with this shit. I’m very very sorry.

Now, nerds, dorks, and dipshits are usually very easy to spot. They have a certain look about them. Nerds and dorks dress the part and dipshits will always act the part regardless of dress. A geek on the other hand can be anyone around you. There are no specific physical or behavioral signs of a geek. You actually have to get to know a person before you find out about their geekness…geekosity…oh you know what I mean.

I’m just telling you these things for your own good. The next time you mistakenly refer to a geek as a nerd or a dork, or God forbid a dipshit, you may just get bitch slapped, or worse. Most people would agree that Robert Deniro probably knows everything there is to know about acting. I dare you to call him a fucking nerd. Of course you would likely get your ass kicked for calling him a geek as well and that’s another reason why I’m trying to get the word out on the differences, so these unfortunate misunderstandings will cease. Ok, I know what you’re thinking. What if a person is a combination of these things? Like, “Wow, that’s one nerdy geek” or “this geek’s a total dipshit”. Well, I don’t have all the answers. I just suggest that you tread lightly and give the non-nerd, non-dipshit geeks the respect that they deserve.

So if you’re a specialist, go forth and be proud of your inner geek. And if someone dares to call you a nerd, first make sure you’re not sporting a pocket protector and then kick that sumbitch in the nuts.

Disclaimer: I do not officially support kicking people in the nuts as it is very painful and could get you arrested and/or brutally murdered.

Rant #1: "The Village", Orange Fingertips and the Answer to Everything.

Last night I figured out the secret to life and the universe while sitting on the couch watching M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village" on DVD. This epiphany really had nothing to do with the movie itself. In fact, I don't think I was even paying attention to the television when it all came down on me like a ton of bricks.

It all happened just before the scene in which Adrian Brody stabs Joaquin Phoenix. Now here's the bloody rub. I was suddenly sucked back into the movie when I noticed the knife in Brody's hand and I totally forgot what I was thinking about. Oh, I was soooo pissed. I had the answers to all of life's questions on the tip of my cerebral cortex and lost it all because of my stupid short attention span. Man I hate it when that happens!

I backed up the movie several minutes to try to get back in my "zone" but the feeling was gone, seemingly lost forever. How sad, right? I started this blog with the hope that typing it out would somehow get me back into that trancelike state again, a sort of retracing of steps if you will. Unfortunately, all I can seem to remember is how tasty those damn Cheetos were that I was eating at the time. I know what you're thinking...tried that...didn't help.

So now I just have to live with the fact that I almost had it. I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look but it was gone. I cannot put my finger on it now and I fear I never will again.

Man these Cheetos are good!